I'm Learning

For as long as I can remember, I've wrestled with some insecurity issues.  Some people would probably label those as serious insecurity issues.  I've never trusted that anyone has wanted me around, wanted me in their group of friends, or anything of the sort.  The few very close friends I have are the reason I survived high school and college, where image and who you are and know are everything.  Those people who stuck by my side all through this time are the people I cherish the most in my life.  And the people I miss every single day.  Everyone has those horror stories from high school and/or college.  I'm not delving into mine because that's not the point of this post.  The point of this post is in the title: I'm learning.

Fast forward to this week.  On Tuesday, during Company, I asked the kids to decide for themselves if they wanted to do a tap piece without any other influence like their friends or the other teachers.  I seriously only thought a handful would want to actually participate because the past couple years have been difficult getting them to actually WANT to tap and put on a piece, and yet the pieces have come together and the girls look awesome.  I am always so proud of them during the various recitals.

After talking seriously to them about how this was their decision alone and they would not hurt my feelings, I passed around little slips of paper and couple pens for the girls to answer yes or no.  I then asked them to hand their slip of paper in one by one so I knew who wanted to be a part of it, but without having to worry about anyone else seeing their answer.  To my surprise, there were only 5 who said they didn't want to tap.  I'm still in a bit of shock.  I think I've just started to understand how much the girls do like having me there.  It's only taken almost 3 years for me to figure this out.

Tonight, I went to Mary Ellen Henderson Middle School to see High School Musical Jr.  5 of my girls were in it (although when I went I only knew of 4) and I wanted to support them.  This year alone, I've seen 2 ballets Kathleen has been in and a skating performance by Christina.  Tonight, I saw Maraena (a brainy kid), Carolyn (a cheerleader), Annie (Sharpay), Mary Catherine (Kelsi), and Julia (a thespian) strut their stuff on stage.  It was really cute and I am so happy I went.  At the end of the performance, I said hi to Maraena's mom and Mary Catherine's dad before seeing the girls come from backstage to see their parents.  I surprised Annie since she didn't know I was going to be there and her reaction was cute.  Carolyn was equally happy to see me, although she knew I was coming.  Mary Catherine, who completely killed her performance, looked genuinely surprised and pleased to see me there and a little embarrassed by how much I liked her performance as Kelsi.  The best though was Maraena.  She knew I was coming, but when Carolyn found her and pointed me out, she squealed like only a girl can and ran to give me a hug, which she didn't want to end since I had to almost pry her off.  :-)

All of their reactions warmed my heart.  I, along with the other teachers, have watched these girls blossom.  I love being  part of their lives, and it's being made all the more better by them actually wanting me to see what they are doing.

I think Ralph Waldo Emerson said it best:

To laugh often and much;

To win the respect of intelligent people

And the affection of children;

To earn the appreciation of honest critics

And endure the betrayal of false friends;

To appreciate beauty,

To find the best in others;

To leave the world a bit better,

Whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition;

To know even one life has breathed easier because you lived;

This is to have succeeded.

I am learning to succeed and my girls are helping me every day.